I love secrets. The fact that an undercover officer or a murderer is right beside you and you don't even know. The secret codes, whispers, periphanalia and signals of a world behind view and behind walls. The lies and deceits perpetrated by a government. The way anything or anyone can be gotten to. From the earliest moments of my childhood, as soon as I was old enough to understand the conversations of adults, and the words of the men of my family. I remember the times I was asked to leave the room as conversations went on into hours conducive to shadows. Secrets I couldn't hear until I was older, things I was too young to be trusted with. As I grew older I learned the way the world really worked. I presented the world and all those not associated to my family, with the portrait of an idealistic child, one who believes in good and the triumph of the spirit over any evil. But in reality I learned the true way of this society. I learned the true way of my family. From the earliest of ages I realized what the reality was. Corners were cut, margins were trimmed, scams and shakedowns were and are everywhere. Nothing is as it seems . . . . yet everything seems as it should be. Contests aren't really winnable, prizes are predetermined. Everything can be bought or gotten to. Anyone can be reached or pressured or coerced or bought. People die for a few dollars. And the beauty of all this is that very little of it is personal, but rather it is all in the name of business. Please remember...I'm not being cynical or displaying a downtrodden spirit. This is the way I learned the world to be as a child, and all my years growing up. I love this about the world. I love the dance the beast dances in its dreams while everyone perceives it to be sleeping. I LIVE FOR THIS. I feel a lot , this in fact is true, but I can never be weak, nor will I ever really be scared for myself or my own safety, I know I'll be able to take care of myself. I'm twenty-two and I've learned a lot. I've had the best teachers, and the sessions have taken place at every family function..........In many ways I lack what others would call morals...and I don't care, because they do not influence me. I don't see them as rules that pertain to everyone. Those who know a different way of life put forth these morals. In fact I'm proud of the fact that I haven't been influenced by morals, seeing as how the outside world has tried to ram them down my throat. Those rules others live by do not apply to me I have my own religion, my own beliefs......I've lied, stolen, cheated, exploited, threatened, pressured, tricked and coerced.....and I'm not ashamed, in fact I'm proud. This is the real me.